saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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