seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
