Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
