Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
