I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
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