i just wanna soil my oats bro
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
