she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
