we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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