I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
