You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
