The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
