What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
