WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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