You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
