you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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