is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
