your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
