If that was your dad, he is hot
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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