I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
