i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Randomize
