I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
