Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
