Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize