so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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