Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
