So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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