I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize