I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
