I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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