so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
