A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
