The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize