I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
