I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
