If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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