Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
