I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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