You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
