I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
