I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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