Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
