im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
