I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
