Having a random hookup so left but love u
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
