we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
