I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
