ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
