I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
