Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
