Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Well I just put wine in my tea
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
