we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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