Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Someone came in the potted fern
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize