He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize