I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
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