I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
