i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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