eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
