but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
