Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
this just has baby written all over it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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