At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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