tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
