Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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