i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
