i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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