He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
